reflection of you and me

2012-02-01T01:23:00.004+08:00

对，我是这样的人，但是当你喜欢上一个人，你不是也会为他/她而改不是吗？
要不然，就想办法沟通？

总而言之，我不是这么固执的一个人，我也会听人家的意见

但往往我会比较固执是因为
会有理想的人都往往是有一点固执，
有了固执，才会坚持自己所相信的东西
如果没有这个特征，就很容易被外界给影响，要不然就放弃
尤其是在当大家都否认你所相信的东西

所以我也经常会相信自己的判断或想法
但也不会否认别人的观点
因为我知道他们说的也对
只是观点不同罢了

好比我已经知道我喜欢这样东西了，不管多苦，不管人家怎样讲，我还是会继续
如果行不通，我就会想办法
因为我比任何人都了解自己的喜好
只有这样，喜好才会长久
梦想才会实现

我知道固执/坚持有时很难拿捏，
因为我们也不可以太自我
不听好的劝告

所以我希望你能继续跟我说你的想法和意见
我也想听别人的意见

还有, 我也希望成为一个可以和你有深入交谈的一个朋友
要不然，我哪算是最棒的朋友对不对？

所以请不要放弃跟我交谈的机会
我会想办法的

2012-01-29T03:49:00.001+08:00

亲人

这首歌有很莫名其妙的力量，让我深深很想唱好这首歌
不懂歌的意思
但，是一首很棒的歌

别打开礼物的缎带
最初充满期待最后都腐败
别打开午夜的电台
别让情歌反覆再愚弄

而爱并没有教给我生存
只教我交易虚荣给天真
可是爱让我们变成陌生人
却变不了更高尚的灵魂

不要吻我只要抱着我
不要爱我做我的亲人
把手借我一天一分钟
做我最亲密的亲人
不是谁的情人谁的某某某

就算我全身湿透透
我也不再被谁牵着鼻子走
如果我还握住拳头
可能我怕我的梦飞走

而爱并不如你想的万能
不能让我们不再战争
可是爱连慈悲也没多慈悲
谁爱越深越容易被牺牲

不要吻我只要抱着我
不要爱我做我的亲人
把手借我一天一分钟
让我还敢做我的梦
做我梦中伟大的微笑的英雄

不要吻我只要抱着我
不要爱我做我的亲人
把手借我一天一分钟
让我还敢做我的梦
做我梦中伟大的微笑的英雄

2012-01-27T12:06:00.002+08:00

是缘分吗？
让我两个毫无瓜葛的人
认识到对方

是巧合吗？
给我一种感觉我们的性格还真的很和

这种特殊的感觉
很温暖
因为不管什么事情发生，我知道你一定会在我的心里的其中一端守护着我
很舒服
因为我很想跟你分享我人生发生的一切
很让人期待
因为我很期待跟你相处和讲话的时刻，真的很开心
很莫名其妙
因为我们就会有第六感知道对方正在做什么，正在想什么，还是心情不好

你觉得呢？

2012-01-26T03:08:00.002+08:00

爱与不爱
喜欢与不喜欢
我真不懂哪一个是哪一个，我也不是恋爱专家
我只知道，我很喜欢跟你在一起的感觉
我不想让你为难
也不想看你不开心
老实说，叫我放弃你，不见你
很难
我就是那么矛盾
因为我真的想看你开心幸福，但也有一丝丝的自私
现在的我，什么都没有
想为了理想而努力
一旦得到我要的东西了，我希望我可以跟你分享

因为
在我心里，你已经是一个很特别又重要的一个人

2012-01-26T02:32:00.006+08:00

新的一年

以下是我的愿望：

我希望

1。我会认真地吹出动人的萨克斯
这样我能去一些公园吹给分享我的音乐

2。我会开始学做我的糕点，
做出一份份让人吃了就开心的食物

3。我会积极的运动让我有一个很健康的身体，很好的身材，
因为没了健康，我什么都做不成

4。除了我的背包旅行，我也要去一趟义工之旅
我懂我自己也有爸爸妈妈该孝顺，但我也想为了那些贫苦人类做出小小的贡献

5。当然我也要真正的体会人生，从中享受人生给我的色彩

6。继续做多善事，因为我相信因果，还有希望更多人在这个世界上会更开心

7。搞好我的英文，这样一来我会更有自信

8。最后，我希望能成为一个坚定不移的人，
坚持我的理想，我的梦想，继续奋斗，尽管有多么的苦，永远不会说放弃的一个人

2012-01-18T01:20:00.002+08:00

性格就像你跟一群朋友玩牌一样
一旦换了一幅牌，牌都会变，性格也一样
每个人出生以来，时时刻刻我们都在拿着一些牌
这些牌都有对你这个人的性格有所代表
但，往往牌也跟着你跟人的交流，大大小小事件，还有你向往的个性而换

现在的我，手里拿着的是好人牌
这种牌虽然是不错，但是很吃亏的一些牌
虽然说我也不想改变自己这副牌，但我心里真是想添加跟多的牌
聪明牌，魅力牌，坚强牌等等

不知道未来的终点，到最后我也能不能得到我想要的牌
但我确信，只要我坚持我是可以成功的
我一定要比人家更会体会生活，活出自我

所以廖浩义，你要一致坚定，不要在被其他的事情给扰乱自己真正要的东西！
知道吗！

2012-01-11T23:47:00.003+08:00

对我最亲爱的朋友：

对不起，
我让你误会了
也对不起，
我让你觉得我怀疑你了
现在尽管我有百班的对不起也尼补不了我给你那份不安
老实说，那天晚上之后，我很自责
明明就很努力的保护我和你那很特别的感觉，但我又说了一些很容易误会的话
说白了，其实到目前为止，我还真的非常相信你
很多事情我都一五一十地跟你说
其实，很多时候，我都不跟其他的朋友说
还是说，我宁愿不让他们知道
所以说，现在你对我有一定的误会，我不要求你谅解
但我希望从我的行动会让你知道你是多么的重要
我也多么的信任你
就这样。
有什么事，继续找我好吗？

2012-01-06T23:07:00.004+08:00

刚刚看完了拜金女王，哪让我有很多感触

此时此刻，想起了我们的特殊感觉
短短的一个月，我们从网友到好到不行的朋友
对于你这个朋友，我也不知道我该怎样处理我们的关系

但是，我总有一个感觉
还真的，我的预感一直跟我说我们的关系一定会维持很久
我也不懂为什么我这么断定这件事
可能，真的我们的性格很融洽

不仅如此，我还甚至觉得如果有一点我消失在这个世界，
唯一你会让我安心消失的人是你，
因为我深深地知道你会为我这个朋友察觉到我的不存在
还会帮我好好处理一切

虽然我们认识对方只是一个月，我就有莫名其妙的感觉跟我说你是一个不求回报的一个人
你也承认你是这样的人，事情有这么准吗？
就因为这些莫名其妙的感觉，我还真的觉得你这个人，这个关系，这个感觉，实在得太奇妙了
可能是缘分，可能是误打误撞的巧合
但不可否认的是我们都有一样的感觉

再一次，我想说的是我真的真的真的很开心认识你
就这样
也同时，记载我们这个微妙的缘分吧

浩义

2012-01-04T19:35:00.002+08:00

我觉得很多首歌都有能力唤起我对以前的感觉
带我回到那个时候
无知的我
无忧无虑的我

因为歌就本身代表了那个年代的我
我每喜欢一首歌都有他的独特原因我会喜欢上

现在我听着这些歌
仿佛让我感叹时间过的好快
但也同时让我更要珍惜眼前的你
我拥有的一切
因为我知道一旦时间一过我没办法回到从前

谢谢大家的出现
因为你们而营造了现在的我
我很感激
再次，
谢谢

2011-12-31T14:36:00.002+08:00

For this christmas, I'm glad that I know you
Nothing's better than getting knowing you
Feeling blessed is the only word I can think of to describe the time I have with you
May you have an awesome year ahead too!

Haoyi

2011-12-29T05:16:00.009+08:00

自从认识你之后
我每过的每一天都变得很快乐
能认识到你，我觉得是我的荣幸，我的幸福

但，真的这种快乐能维持多久？
我真怕有一天你就这样消失
你就从这个世界蒸发
没了你笑声
没了你可爱的模样
没了你调皮的挑逗
没了你凶凶的表情
你给我的感觉是我从来
在别人面前都没这么的
自己，舒服，和快乐

说真的
在我眼里
你是一个很好的女生
也是一个很棒的女生
我也不知道因该怎样处理这段感觉
但我只想在我能力范围保护你吧
就这样
很单纯的保护
看到你开心
没有比任何东西能让我更开心了

(P.S.: 我只想描述那个感觉，如果那里写的不当请多多见外）

2011-12-23T00:37:00.002+08:00

一种感动？
一种莫名其妙的感觉
让我决定为了你学这首歌
好好得学
好好得感受
希望能唱出让你感动的歌声
你等吧

2011-12-22T15:38:00.002+08:00

有时候如果事情比较简单一点，哪会是都么好

在对的时间，见到你觉得最对的女生

我不埋怨天，因为很多事发生都是有理由的

不管事情的发展到如何，珍惜你有拥有的才是最重要

最近，有人问我爱的定义是什么

我只知道我最喜欢的是

两人不需要言语，就能知道对方的心思

只要知道对方的存在，默默地在心里的某个角落陪伴着你

那就够了

2011-09-13T14:32:00.002+08:00

你是我心里的那个结
以为解开了，但其实越解越难解
心里很纠结

我也不懂得怎样如何解开自己这个结
但我只知道，
你很重要

你也是唯一能解开这个结的人
不知道何时，
你其实已经偷走了那串钥匙

2011-08-30T03:25:00.003+08:00

On the first note, I have to congratulate myself for completing my studies. I did not done well or even get a good honours as from what I expected at the beginning, but I have cleared my studies like finally.

Yes, I feel excited, scared, uncomfortable, and doubtful of what it is ahead of me now.
But that is life.

Well what I expect in my next stage of life:
Work from Mon- Fri
Able to exercise/ gym for at least twice a week
Work on my bakery interest
Having healthy hobbies, sports and activities during my weekends
( In-line skating, tennis, chingay, NDP etc etc)

I HOPE!

2010-11-08T08:14:00.002+08:00

Hell you feelins get out of my life.
I don need you.
And, I don get you
My logic tells me, you shouldnt
But you tell it, it should

I can only say,
"You're always irrational!!"

2010-11-06T00:32:00.002+08:00

Do you ever think about your life?
How you gonna live with it? and what kind of belief you should hold onto?

Well, I don't know what is your answer but I have a rough idea of what kind of life I want to have: A life which is interesting and enjoyable.

I want my life to be interesting so that it can be craved inside my head as they are so memorable that I cant even forget them

I want my life to be enjoyable. Simply because we are borned to be happy, not to be constantly being unhappy with this and that

My purposal, my wedding, my honeymoon, my career, my past-time, my house....
I have already had some ideas of how to spice them up, although I do not know whether it works or not... well give it a try! You will never know! hahas
What's so interesting about life is that you will never know what will happen next and everything is unpredictable.

And yeah, recently, I made a new friend and aaaah, we "click" very well.
I feel really glad knowing her. Don't ask me why.. Because it is a feeling, more like very fortunate to know her.
Okay perhaps, say it in this way.
She is truthful to me
And I'm truthful to her
There is a great bond of trust between us,
though we know each other less than 2 months?
I really feel very happy with her! So I shall pray for more interactions with her!
HAHAHAHAH!

Nothing much. Seeya!

2010-11-05T02:28:00.001+08:00

Yeah I'm back! Stay tune for my new entry!

2008-08-27T22:29:00.004+08:00

A song dedicated to all my good friends:

曹格 - I'll be there

Angel (Demo) - 曹格

Ignore the title of the music, it is called I'll be there.

2008-08-17T19:03:00.002+08:00

说我以经放弃你，其实我是在骗我自己
我还是会有一点的期待，期望
期待你会在看我一眼
期望你会发现我的好
虽然我知道这一切是不可能，
我还是希望你可以给我一点点的时间
我会慢慢的忘记这个不该爱的爱
我知道这种事不是我说喜欢你就可以的
还是要看对方的啊
所以我会听你的话，不会回头看
开心的生活
用笑容来洗掉一切的不开心

总之，很高兴认识你
我学会用心来对待每个人

2008-08-11T23:06:00.001+08:00

heart-broken.
let my smile washes away my sadness.
tomorrow will be a better day.
=)

2008-08-10T01:56:00.002+08:00

My skin isn't that thick afterall.
I didn't take any photo with her when I really wanted it alot.
I enjoyed alot in the grand finale.
But somehow or rather, I hesitated alot when I decided not to take picture with her.
So regretful!
She looked great every angle I saw.
Sht Sht Sht.

Am I so in love with her?
Hahaha. I don't know.
But I think it's time to let it go.
Perhaps, we are just not meant to be.

Really hope that she will consider me...
However, judging by the situation,
No chance, no way~

Okay this will be the last time that I will be saying this,
"I like her ALOT"

Argh, with lots of regret and sadness.

2008-08-08T01:28:00.004+08:00

You are attached,
I don't care.
You have a complicated relationship, which makes you unlikely to go into relationship again.
I also don't care.

What matters is that you are happy, and willing to share your thoughts and feelings with me!

I like you, but do I ask for anything in return?
No.

So just stay this way, and I'm happy enough.

This is what I call "真心对待一个人"

2008-08-03T01:36:00.003+08:00

Liking a person isn't easy
Especially if you like a person who is far from your reach.
Have to find ways, just to approach her.
But well, I made it today.
I am a happy man, though it is merely a few seconds.

喜欢一个人
不必要有理由
只要她能让你开心
一切都好

开心的日子要过了
我好难过

王力宏 - 星期六的深夜

2008-08-01T20:35:00.002+08:00

Tak, thanks for intro-ing me that song!
It really does describe the feelings/ thoughts that I am going through now.

Wahaha.

陳小春 - 沒那種命

Will I be that lucky?
Doubt so.
Sa Gua~

2008-07-31T19:19:00.003+08:00

Have you ever hear this name Vitas before?
He is an amazing Russian, who can sing very high pitch.
Hardly impossible for most guys.

If no, see this clip below

Okay, Russia has her own Vitas.
Ever hear a Taiwan-version of Vitas?
Lols.
Don't try to hide your laughter, because he's really super funny.
(P.S: For your information, he's a singer who has released an ablum during early this year)

2008-07-28T21:27:00.002+08:00

Can I still stay strong and happy?
I must have infinite courage to face any news coming.

Mum's health is falling.
Haoyi, you must stay strong.
Jia you.

Haoyi: I must not be defeated.

Worried.

2008-07-27T17:51:00.003+08:00

Emo-ing now.
It's so strange.
I don't know where I'm going.
I'm feeling so lost.

Feeling leads me to brace up my courage to know you.
Now, I know you.
Every chat we made allows me to know you even deeper.
Your habits, likings, dislikes, daily stuffs, character etc...

But now, the feeling is not leading me to anywhere.
It is lost along the way.
No longer as strong as before.

Argh, what should I do?

Okay, stop all my emo-ing~

Feeling better. Tomorrow shall be a better day.
I will get back all the feeling back, and make sure that you become one of my great friend!

2008-07-27T15:35:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was a good day.
Have my zadankai meeting at home, felt quite happy to see everyone but seems not as fun as my usual saturday.

I miss NDP! I miss the fun and the friends whom I made over there.
It's coming to an end. Sad.

Well, anyway after my meeting, I went partyworld with my district ywd,yan ling, cassandra, and wendy.
Wee~ at last, I got my ktv session.
zzz! I didn't sing for 2 months.

okay shall introduce another song again!

溫嵐 - 同手同腳

2008-07-24T17:30:00.008+08:00

Am I "kajiao-ing" you?
Well, your friend does let me ponder about it.

For the past few days, I have been "disturbing" you on the msn.
I merely want to know more things related about you.
Is that a crime?
Does I deserve such comment from your friend?

Coward.
Okay yes I am.
I am so coward that I don't want to mess up my chance to know you.
I am afraid that you will be scared away by me if I approach you.
Do you know how much courage I have to pluck up just to approach you?
Ha, you wouldn't understand.
Because you do not have the same feeling that I am having now.
But, you are still important as a friend.

Ya, I know I am not as charming as other guys, maybe even those who are woo-ing you now.
However, I still have the right to convey my feelings or thoughts, right?
I hold a pure sincerity that hopes to touch your heart.
I do not expect much.
Be your good friend, stay near to you and I am satisfied.

*** end of vetting my frustrations ***

For those who don't know, this blog is meant for me to vet out my feelings that I have suppressed inside me.
I can be a nice guy but I am a human afterall.

Song: 3.7/5.0

2008-07-22T05:16:00.003+08:00

I'm happy for the past three days.
Thank goodness that I know you.
=)

A nice song. Enjoy.

Till The End - Till The End

Title: Till The End
Singer: David Tan

All these precious moments
With you by my side
must be give from heaven
That's holding me all night

I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
And that I have a love so true
To hold to keep to share

In my heart I can no longer hold inside
all of the love
I used to hide
I'd always be with you until the very end
In this world there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life my soul my girl
And through it all I know you'll come to see
That you're the one 'til the end

All my friends surround me
Say you'll be gone too soon
Honey I'm going to make them see you
We'll find our way back home

In my heart I can no longer hold inside all of the love
I used to hide
I'd always be with you until the very end
In this world there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life my soul my girl
And through it all I know you'll come to see
That you're the one 'til the end
We'll always be 'til the end

2008-07-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

At last, I get to know you.
Now I only wish that I can talk to you more.
That's all I'm asking for.

*Pray Hard*

2008-07-17T02:51:00.000+08:00

Remember the "sweet" girl I mentioned in the earlier entry?

I REALLY like to know her.

Reason: My feeling tells me that we can be good friends.

But, this feeling also causes me to act differently.
(In other words, I am NOT behaving like my normal self.)

I can,
- behave awkwardly.
- act strangely.
- blank-out upon see-ing the person.

Her appearance and smiles always make my day.
But, I don't have any chance to approach her.
Can anyone teach me?

2008-06-22T00:57:00.001+08:00

haha! okay lin and von, here comes my entry.

I have been lazy-ing at home these few weeks. I cannot walk much as I injured my left knee cap during my previous NDP training.

I can still vividly remember that we were running into the platform through one of the linkways. Then I tripped and fell onto the ground.
*Ouch* I managed to regain my composure after the fall.
But well, my knee cap was burning and I could not walk properly.
In the end, I limped my way back to the holding area with the help of my trainer, and was attended by the Soka Medics.
Lols, I was so careless right? Haha. Lesson learnt~

I came out a stupid reason to cover my carelessness while joking with my A3 friends.
I told them, " You know what? Actually, I was looking away at some pretty girls so I didn't notice the ground and fell. "
Isn't it a good reason? Wahaha.

Joking aside, but truely I have some eye-candies in the NDP.
One is a mix-blood, and another is a "sweet" girl.

You must wondering why I have put a open-inverted for the sweet right?
Seriously, I think that girl is sweet and has a certain charisma which I cannot describe.
However, Huizi disagrees me.
She don't think that she is sweet or pretty.
Lols.
But...
I like seeing her. The way she smiles makes my day.
I feel uneasy if I doesn't see her in the NDP.
But I doubt she can skip the training. (for certain reason =x)
Okay, maybe I judge a person differently. Guess so?

As for the other girl, I'm quite fine with her.
She is a mix-blood so eventually she looks pretty.
There is nothing much to comment on her.
A pure eye-candy without any disagreement or unhappines from Ms. Huizi.

Hahaha! Overall I love NDP (not because of my eye candies wor~!)
I like people in my group and so do they like me too.
I manage to make a lot of friends through the trainings.
Hee~!

Okay, enough of NDP.
Hmm~
I have been watching Xing Guang Da Dao from Xing Guang 1 to Xing Guang 3.
Can see that I have far more to learn before I can be like them.
Able to sing well, interpret and convey the meaning of the songs through their voice.
In my opinion, singing is a way of "telling" stories to others.
Every song has their own story, own meaning in it.
We can use our voice to sing the songs, but it is totally different to use our voice to "tell" stories to others. Vocals that can "tell" stories can touch people's heart, while the other is just merely singing the notes only.

It is very hard for me to explain this because I still do not know how to do it.
But the above is what I understand.
I am still searching hard for my own way of "telling" stories to others.
Hopefully that I can use my vocal to touch others one day.
=)

Hmm...nice song and good lyric.
Recommended: 4.0/5.0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLwzA4O_6pE

原諒我

主唱：蕭敬騰
作曲：阿沁
填詞：阿沁．陳天佑．吳易緯
編曲：監製：

請不要分了以後　還記得親吻過的承諾
你的永久已不屬於我
默默低頭　那時我很多話哽在喉嚨

你的笑　你的快樂　不是我愛太多　想太多
我能感受他比我適合
愛放了手　我偽裝冷漠　比你先說分手

請原諒我　原諒我不成熟
不愛你是藉口　好讓你離開我
請原諒我　好想自私將你佔有
一個寂寞就給我承受　換你過更好的生活

請不要分了以後　還記得親吻過的承諾
你的永久已不屬於我
默默低頭　那時我很多話哽在喉嚨

你的笑　你的快樂　不是我愛太多　想太多
我能感受他比我適合
愛放了手　我偽裝冷漠　比你先說分手

請原諒我　原諒我不成熟
不愛你是藉口　好讓你離開我
請原諒我　好想自私將你佔有
一個寂寞就給我承受　換你過更好的生活

愛過恨過哭過也笑過　
親吻過你的脆弱　其實我比誰都要懦弱

原諒我　必須假裝愛錯
別讓時間倒流　我怕說不出口
原諒我　沒有解釋太多心痛
別無所求　徹底忘了我　愛原來要捨得

我難過　我才懂

Okay lah. That's all for today. It's a long entry and a tired day for me. Tata!

2008-05-07T13:02:00.000+08:00

For years, she is my weakest link.
I have never had a life of my own and my life is all about her.
From attached to single, I have stayed at her side.
Never once I have left her side and let her to be on her own as it is too unbearable for me to see her suffer on her own.
Maybe I have owed her from my previous life and this is the time to payback to her.
I am like a faithful servant, serving his life for his owner. Always serving and pleasing her in order to make her stay happy.
It also may seems that I am waiting for the golden chance to come which then, I can woo her and win her heart.
But, does waiting help in winning her heart?
Okay, I do like her a lot and she stands a lot in my heart.
However, what I can do about it?

2008-05-05T12:04:00.001+08:00

On Saturday, I went out with my parents to buy a digital voice recorder at Audio House, Clarke Quay. Okay, we bought an average recorder which costs about $238.
We did not look around at other stores but went straight to Audio House, as we think the products they sell are reasonably cheap and acceptable.
Their customer service was overall quite okay. They managed to answer all my queries and able to recommend a few products.

Price: 4.0/ 5.0
Recommendation: 3.7/ 5.0

After which, I went to meet up with Huizi. Don’t be mistaken, it is not a date!
We merely went around to shop like normal friends. She needs a formal wear bottom so we went to Parco Bugis Junction to look around.
*Laugh out loud*
Well, she ended up buying quite a few white clothes and accessories in the end.
Guess that I am too influential and I have psychos her too much in buying white clothes.
But But…
White looks better than pink or green T-shirt!!

Overall, it is quite a nice shopping with Huizi.
Thank Huizi, I enjoyed a lot.

Shopping: 4.2/ 5.0

2008-04-21T12:24:00.000+08:00

haha, I have done this personality test 4 times. Once a dynamic leader, thrice an encouraging inventor.
Do try this, quite fun and you can get to know yourself more.

See my 4th report:

My personalDNA Report

Thanks Ms Peace for sharing such a nice website! Haha.

Regards,
Haoyi

2008-04-07T18:41:00.000+08:00

Okay, Ms Peace. Here you go, my update.

Yeah! Today, i used an old school typewriter.

I can't believe such an equipment is still existing in this world, or found in NUS.

Well, I'm forced to use that, as I left with no ways to put my page numbers on all the module outlines.

But that's good lah. I managed to learn a new "skill", and use an old school typewriter.

Don't "play, play", it also has a brand, IBM!

Next! After much considerations, I have decided to inform a bad and good news to everyone.

Which one will you choose? lols, let's listen to the good news.

Good news: I am going to fulfil my promise, as to perform in friday rendezous.

Bad news: If you are going to fri rendenzous, then better get mentally prepared. You will be listening to a horrible person singing. Lols. hahas.

Nothing much to add on.

Hmm, Ms Peace! Remember to sing to me the songs you heard over the radio on Saturday wor!

Haoyi

2008-02-26T13:47:00.000+08:00

现在我慢慢地忘记了A。可能是因为少见面了，所以对她的欣赏也开始淡化了。老实说我觉可能我不是那么喜欢A, 只是非常欣赏她所以那么喜欢她。我觉得她是一个很有魅力的一个女生，常常你都会看到她带灿烂的笑容。以她的格性来说，她也是一个勇敢而不怕矢败的人。虽然我对她的印像是非常好的，可是我总觉得我们还是很熟，所以我现在对她的感觉可不算是喜欢。

你们知道我为何会很清楚的了解这吗？
那是应为B。
B是我一个很好的朋友，认识她快要很多年了。在这几年，我喜欢上她无数次。可能是应为，多多少少认识了她这么旧，觉得她也很不错所以喜欢她吧。可是常常她会让我又喜欢又恨。明明说是朋友，可是常常我们就是靠得很近。她的举动有时候让我真的不知道我们是朋友还是？我有劲量的控制自己让自己觉得我们就是朋友而以。似乎我有一点恨她这些举动，可是又很喜欢因为这一切就像一场梦，甜甜的。有时候真的不想醒过来，以旦醒了，我们就要回去原来的我们。总之，我觉得我对她的感觉是很难淡化下来的，处非。。。我也不知道。我现在只想再见她一面。

我不要求多只想像现在这样子的照顾还有豆她开心至到她找到另一个男友。

2008-02-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

haha, eh... hope u guys will like it.
My first attempt in recording, though there are a lot of mistakes in it..
I will work hard de, and hopefully i can perform infront of you guys.
Thanks for being so supportive to me all the times.

2008-02-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

Chingay has ended. And there goes my happy times.
I definitely will miss chingay alot.
Miss the fun, laughters, and friends.
Wouldn't be able to meet those friends as much like before.
Can't really fool around during trainings anymore.
Couldn't see me being that happy and always having that big smile.
Ah... I really can't describe the feelings that i'm going through now.
I'm now listening to that 最长的电影...
and that makes my feeling very complicated
Not totally miss chingay, yet can't deny that fact.
Maybe, i'm hoping that the time can stop and give me another 2 minutes.
Just 2 minutes, and i will be satisfied.
Guess... really it's a moment that i would never forget for life.
The silly moments in chingay.
The crazy moments in chingay.
The tough moments in chingay.
Thank godness, i have joined chingay.
=)

2008-02-03T19:09:00.000+08:00

I'm happy now, but i still feel emptiness in my heart.
What's wrong with me?
I should be satisfied with the life that i'm having now.
The emptiness makes me somehow lost my way of life.
I started to wonder, " what i really want in life?"
I'm learning the things i like, doing what i always want to do and enjoying my life.
What else that i'm not satisfied with?
Can anyone tell me or possibly guide me?
I'm already lost.

2008-01-28T14:53:00.000+08:00

Again, it is monday. I have to go for work.Early in the morning, my body ached. It must be due to the training yesterday.The training yesterday was quite tiring, as we did the whole performance again and again for like more than 5 times.Furthermore, i'm holding the big air-balloon yesterday. It makes the whole training even more tiring.Haha, guess what qing de's balloon burst out of sudden. Never expect it will happen during the training, but it did.I was too far away from him so i didn't have the chance to see the balloon burst.Imagine, in the middle of your performance, your balloon burst out abruptedly while you were doing your moves, it must be quite of a shock.Yet, you must pretend nothing has happened, continue your moves and remain smiling.Oh goosh, hope nothing will occur on that day.
Haha, but seriously, i'm glad that i'm in jellyfish group or should i say chingay.I found out that i have turned into a happy, crazy haoyi eversince i joined this.Quite positive and self-motivating nowadays.It is like you have realised that life should be happy, instead of the other way round.
Lols.
Hope this life form will stay as long as possible. I like this "me". It's great.

2008-01-20T01:04:00.000+08:00

woohoo, i have a great day today.
Many many thanks to joni.
She accompanied me to sing lor. Always, i went with felicia's that group of people.
Then ah, I wanted to sing with other people lor.
So thought of joni, and asked her to accompany me.
She's a great friend.
hehe.
Well, her accompany also brings me another unexpected guest: Ms Elleen.
Oh goosh, she is one crazy girl, always laughs non-stop de.
Sometimes, there isn't any reason behind her laughters. Do you believe it?
For no reason, she laughed. Then another moment, she laughed again.
Kinda scary hor?
But because of her, she made my day.
haha.
Made me laugh alot, and my cheek became stiff after that.
Wahahas.
A very cheerful, bubbly girl. Likes to mix with her more. =)

Yaya, and also, this session is great because both elleen and joni know how to harmonize.
So quite fun lahs and it sounded nice, although they might miss some notes.
Overall, they are quite li hai le.
Unlike me, i can't even harmonize.

Okay shall end here. Tml my chingay practice again.
Another fun fun day. Wee~

2008-01-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

Many thoughts are going through my mind.
Ah i seemly hate myself, being that way when facing her.
Awkward and unfriendly.
That's not the usual me.
I want to show her how friendly i can be, and a good friend.
But when i saw her, there was somehow abit of uneasiness between us.
Seriously, hope that things proceed in a better way.

I'm..... lost of words.
Maybe disappointed in myself
Maybe sad about the outcome
Aiya, whatever it is...i shall give up the whole idea

2008-01-14T21:59:00.000+08:00

hmmp~
Don't understand myself.
Why i can't be as normal as i always do when i see the person i'm interested?
Act looking away, avoiding any conversation
I guess that's me.
More or less, little confidence.

Still, i don't understand myself.
I can feel that i like her personalities
and i even pluck up my courage and try to talk to her
Yet, my inferiority is telling me to give up.
Is this a crush?

Many people said that i'm "poisoned"
as i simply see her face every now and then.
I know it's exagerating
I tried to stop, but it becomes worse.

I know it's great to have such sweet feeling
However, i still must consider one thing:
What if i like her and she don't like me?
What i'm doing now might becomes very irritating
and gradually,
she avoids me?

Ah, love is sweet at times but it can be a headache thing too.

Should i "miss" this very good girl and regret for life?
Or should i just forget about the whole thing and wait for the chance to come?

Hahas. Think that's the way of life.
Cruel decisions have to be made everytime.

2008-01-12T18:41:00.000+08:00

haha, shall mention about yvonne. I planned to mention her in the later part when i saw again. And ya, i saw her again todae at the NDP audition lor. Ah, kinda lost of words when i saw her. Many memories flowed back into my mind as i gradually looked at her.
Face is slightly thinner, longer and she definitely looks prettier.
I guess the reason why im lost of words is because i have too many things to talk to her and ah.. hahas she looks more mature than the one that i remembered.
Hee, glad that i saw her again.
But ya, again i missed the chance of chatting with her.

Of course, i saw qing de too and they are now a couple.
Its kind of unbelievable, as i always think that they would never be together.
But actually, they did!
And that goes my second meet-up with you, yvonne. Haha. As for the first meeting, i shall not mention about it because its nothing much lahs. Saw you in the train, and ha! i don't recognise you. Ya then, it's a blur day.
So please dont blame me about that.

About the audition, got to laugh about it. Their warm-up was more difficult than the steps to learn. Guess what? They asked everyone to use their hands to touch the floor while they were splitting their legs. No joke! it's damn hard, especially for the guys. If you are not careful enough, i guess your legs might have gave his way and ah~ ouch~ you have done the utimate leg splitting. Lols.
There was nothing much special happening in the audition.
And ya, i saw my pretty cousin, shuxian.
She is the NDP trainer.
Oh goosh, hopefully im not in her team if not ah...that's it. Hahas.

k lahs. End here. Tired. *Yawn*

2008-01-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

hm, yesterday while i was trying to sleep, i thought of Xu Wei Lun suddenly.
I was thinking whether she has any regret in life before the tragic accidents happened.
I guess no one will expect that she will die, even herself.
When i asked myself with this question, i also can't really answer it. I really have many things to do in life. I want to learn keyboard, saxphone, roller skating..etc
But seriously, if i only have a few minutes left in this world, i think i must say something to the girl. For now, i have someone whom i'm interested with.
Well, she's a good girl, i must say.
Filial, cheerful, pretty, sweet, noisy and simple should be the words to describe her.
Hm, i don't really know that around me, there is such a good girl.
I don't really hope much about her, but i wish to know her more.
I really chant for gohozon to give me the chance to know her even better. Simply, she's a great girl with great personalities.
I would regret if i "miss" to know her.
Many thanks to gohozon, if i didn't join chingay, i wouldn't notice about her. And then, i wouldn't know that she's such a nice girl.
So if i left a few minutes left in this world, i must tell her that i really like her.
Whether she likes me or not, it depends on her. At least, i have told my feelings and left no regret in my life. Right? hahas.

2008-01-06T20:57:00.000+08:00

Lols. Just came back from Kallang. Argh. It missed my Chingay training! You know why? Because i remembered my training time wrongly.
I thought it should start at 7pm, but it actually started at 4pm. Sunday's chingay practice starts at 7pm !! Why i have forgotten that? Sians. Guess that it might due to yesterday's k-session lahs that makes me so blur. Yesterday, i celebrated felicia's birthday lor..then we went to TopOne at bugis de.. sang from 11pm to 5.30am.. kinda okay la..dun realli sang much wor.. because there were like 11 people..cant be i sang all the way bahs, right? Hm..well, in the end, though i don't sing much, i lost my voice later on. Don't understand what's the problem with my throat.. Didn't sing much or push my voice much yet...i LOST MY VOICE? oh my goodness. That was the first time i lost my voice without singing much. hahas..maybe my throat was telling me, " it's time to rest, i wanna sleep already... can give me a break..crazy boy singing at such timing..!!"
Lols.
Well, overall it was quite nice session lahs.. knew some new friends, like yongshun, allan, chen yong, eric..bah bahs. Ya and also, i got the feeling back again!
The feeling of being good terms with felicia, close to her, talk like the way we used to when we first met.
Another thing to mention...it's quite an achievement. I walked from Vivocity to Bugis!! I took like about 1hr and 45 mins wor..i walked with alicia and felicia. And we talked quite a lot of stuffs lahs..hahas like the feeling. Yeah.

2008-01-04T16:20:00.000+08:00

Just went for a job recruitment interview.
Soon or later, without a stable income, i will get broke one day and wouldn't be able to go for my k-sessions.
Chinese new year is also coming around the corner.
And i have aimed for quite a few of things to buy for the season e.g another adidas shoes.
Yet, with my current financial status, i guess that it's the best for me to look for a job before i decide to buy that.
Ya anyway, i will be celebrating felicia's birthday tomorrow. Money will be spent and should be broke by then.
Also, currently i'm participating in Chingay'08 so see me on Tv on feb 17-18 (though beverly can't see it cos she's flying off to Australia). Guess that i will be also joining the NDP'08 too.
This year will be a fun year.
Must occupy all my days so that i can use all my time usefully.
Haha. End here. Tired.

2007-11-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

What a complicated feeling...
A person,who i like before, held my wrist while crossing the road.
When she held my wrist, i have the urge to throw away her hand.
My head was thinking, " im not a young boy, pls do not treat me as one".
On the other hand, i like this feeling. i always wish that i can hold her hand like holding my gf, though i know this is impossible. This can be the subsitute for that.
Nevermind, i will always remember this moment.
The way she holds me =)

2007-11-14T00:53:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the late updates, i have been busying with my exam.
My exam is finishing, leaving with two more papers- physic and chem paper 1.
I know many of you, who are concerned about me, will ask "how was it?"
I can tell you that the result will not be as pleasing as i want it to be.
I know you guys will be quite disappointed with me, right? Well, I tried my best, and gave my best shot.
I struggled alot throughout the papers and frankly speaking, i cant finish some of the papers.
It was too tough, i think. Many questions required a lot of thinking process before you can start answering it.
But whatever the result is, i will accept it then.
I'm not borned clever anyway, and always i required to work harder than others.
I guess this is my fate. I gonna learn how to work ten times harder than others, push myself to the limit in order to excel.
Nevertheless, i guess that this lesson has taught me to be more hardworking and treasure every opportunity i get.
Argh, though this lesson is a expensive and cruel one.
hm, gonna sleep. back to camp.

2007-03-28T21:50:00.000+08:00

Great thank to mavis, she woke my mind up.
I almost fell into the trap, whereby i began to doubt my ability.
If it wasn't her, i might have hesitated and withdrew the decision that i made to re-take my A level.
Mavis, if you see this entry, i must say " Thanks a lot, you have been a great friend!"

Hm, mavis.
What i can say about her?
A great friend who have been giving a lot of support and care to me.
Someone who i did not expect that would read my blog.
And of course, a pretty and a good singer.

Thank to gohozon, i got to know her.
I feel fortunate, i feel happy.
Nothing can describe how i feel.
I found her when i needed friends.
Well, that's it.

Regards,
Haoyi

2007-03-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

Minutes ago, i was browsing through the songs in my computer.
I chose a song and quickly practiced it as there was not much time left.
But this made me realise that I have been doing this for the last few weeks.

To be frank, i always need to crack my head just to find a song that suits me.
It's either the range of the song is too wide or it is too tough to manage.
And because of this, i would sometimes doubt my ability and think, " am i improving? "
Of course, i wouldn't despair.
I still have unfulfilled dream need to be done: To perform in the big stage and compose my own song.

It takes time. I can't rush.
Step by step, i will reach the top and retrieve the valuable treasure.

Regards,
Haoyi

2007-03-07T20:56:00.000+08:00

Right now, i should be burying my head under my mathematics book.
Yet i'm right in front of my computer, doing some other things.

You can say that i'm unable to concentrate with my work, aren't discipline enough to settle myself down and start bucking up with my study.
But i just feel that i should get some fresh air to make my brains work.

To be honest, it's hard for me to study.
I have forgotten most of the stuffs that i learnt during my jc life, and i am like trying to recall them from scratch.
Just imagine, looking at those numbers and symbols which make no sense to me, i almost have gone crazy.
It only kills my interest in studying my A level.

Isn't it tough? Need to endure such tortures and stress while i have to maintain a high level of interests for my study along the way.

Haha, on the other hand, i begins to love english.
English is a profound language, and it has a lot of ways to express one's feelings, attitudes, and tones.
I know i have problems writing prefect english. But i believe with the interest that i have for it, i can excel and will write even better english.

You think likewise?

New word for today:
Exacerbate: irritate or make worse

Haoyi
7th Mar'07

2007-02-06T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hey guys,

i put in a serious thought to my future and decided that, in order to preclude myself from wasting my NS time, i would use this time to improve my english and singing and prepare myself for another round of A level.

I wouldn't cringle or hestitate again. I see many, who had landed into my state whereby either are stucked in between of choosing whether to go to poly or private University, chose an easy way out for themselves. It is due to the matter of fact that our results were either too bad or we have an average scoring, unable to get into local University.

Sometimes, i wonder why are we deprive from going to local University when we have actually tried our best to study and scored somehow an acceptable result, like how the government have encouraged students to further their studies.

Is it because everything is predestinated? Like how the people always love to say, " What's not belong to you wouldn't belong to you in the end?"

You could say i'm adamant or unwilling to follow my fate. But well, i believe this is an obstacle or a turn in my life prepared by god. If i could overcome this, i would grow to a stronger person in return, and no longer be the old haoyi whom i used to be - a person with a slight determination and confidence, always hide at one corner when come to facing problem.

Ya, i think it's time for me to end my blogging session today.

I would like to end my session with word of saying by a buddist philopher daisaku ikeda:

"The important thing is to take that first step. Bravely overcoming one small fear gives you the courage to take on the next. "

Regards,
Haoyi

2006-12-11T14:06:00.000+08:00

I went to Xuanyou's chalet on last Saturday. We chatted, went to party-world, and played card games. A typical chalet programmes. Yet, it was a joyful moment that we were somehow back to the old days, days when we were young, immature and unsure of our future. The look of him, right now, was determined, certain and matured. In merely a few months time, he is going to an unknown place whereby he, himself, might not even know what would happen to him. He might change dramatically that we would not be able to recognize him after his stay in UK.
He might even bring a "white-skin" girlfriend back, whom he will introduce to his parents. Well, it all depends on him. But as far as i know about him, i believe the old Xuanyou will still stay the same. There might be some changes, but changes for the good, not for the bad.
Sometimes, i wonder, if three years down the road, will everyone still be the same, or would we be still the same, old good friends? The answer might be yes or no. The chance for yes is 50 percent. Likewise, it is for the latter. Well, regardless of whichever answer it is, it all depends on each individual/friend to make the effort to contact each other, making sure that our friendship will last.
I think that's all i would like to say. And good luck to you, my friend - Tan XuanYou.
And to you, Shawn Wang.
May all your dreams and wishes come true definitely.

2006-11-21T19:13:00.001+08:00

I like the way you smile.
I like the time we spent together.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we can be together?
Sadly, we can't.
Do you ever know i'm always peeking at you while you were looking away.
It makes me feel a sense of happiness because i can be that close to you.
You would never know how much i think and dream about you.
I would only let you know that i'm always available for you
whenever you need me,
whenever you need a support.
Don't blame me for not telling my true feeling to you.
It is for your own good and my own sake.
Sometimes, it would be better to be friends rather than being boyfriend/girlfriend.
But now, the line dividing them is blurred.
I don't know where we stand,
but i only can look at you silly now from a far end.
Because you have a boyfriend.

From:
A silly guy.

2006-11-19T02:06:00.000+08:00

I just read through Beverly's blog and learn something from her.

Sometimes, there is thing which we can't be helped or forced.
No fate means no fate.
No matter how much you try or the efforts you put, the ending would always be the same: We only can be friend, nothing can be more than that.
You might be in love with her yet she feel uneasy with you, or it might be both of you have interest with each other but there is something in-between that makes both of you feel impossible to be together.

Seriously, seeing Beverly and chia ling in such a situation whereby they are at the edge of "can't be friend anymore" makes me feel even sad for them.
Being friends with them for 3 years, i feel that they are quite a good and close friends.
They care about each other,
and love being together with each other.
It would be a waste if such friends are lost because you can't be able to be his/her girlfriend or boyfriend.
I think chia ling should learn how to let go a relationship, which i believe there wouldn't be any ending if is being forced brutally.

Of course, i have no right to intervene their relationship.

But come to think about it, do you prefer trying to force your way through just to make a relationship possible, making your another partner miserable at the same time? Or do you prefer learn to let go of something which might be a good thing for both of you?
I don't know what they are thinking about.
However, if i'm given a choice, i would definitely let go of her like how i let go of Felicia.

As you all know, Felicia is my close and best friend.
She definitely is someone whom i wish to get into relationship with.
I can't explain what is the reason i would fall in love with her.
Haha! In fact, she is far from the type of girl i would lie my eye onto normally ( i might look at her once awhile)
But well, i know she is the only friend who knows me well enough.
Believe it or not, i have liked her quite a number of times and expressed my feeling to her.
But we still can't be together.
Well, this is what we so-called " no fate".
We are both comfortable with one another, able to talk frankly, and care for each other.
Yet, there is no ending for us.
So sad.

But life goes on.

Now, she has a boyfriend named Ivan. Pretty good looking and humorous some more.
I might be jealous sometimes whenever i went out with them. But think about it, Felicia might be even happier and has more smiles on her face with him since Felicia likes him a lot?

Haha perhaps it's time for me to focus on other thing, rather than thinking about relationship.
This isn't a time for me to get into a serious relationship, but to be mature and have a good thought about future.

I believe it's time for me to self-improve myself and make myself more attractive in term of character and talent.
Lolx. Let's make it possible!

Hm
One note for beverly if you are looking at my blog:
Do thing which you believe and benefit yourself. Do not listen to what other says. Believe in your decision. I believe you are old enough to judge and decide on your personal stuffs.
And~ GOOD LUCK for your A level.
See you in the near future. It has been awhile that i have last seen you.

It's late. Time to sleep. Night.

2006-11-05T02:17:00.000+08:00

it's been awhile that i last blogged. well, i was busy for the last few months. i have worked hard for the upcoming audit, trained my vocal, and tried to make use the time i have now. It is already the fourth month since i have joined for the vocal course in Virtuso Arts. I start to feel the improvement in my singing, and it is getting better in term of my vocal range and pitch though it is still not prefect yet. Afterall, i just begin to train. It takes years to be a professional, which is something i wish to achieve. Of course, other than my singing, i also worked hard in my unit's audit. Even though it is just a merely checking of the documents, i feel that we still have to work hard for it. To me, it likes a goal. If i can score well in it, i will feel a sense of achievement as i have achieved a goal, it will motivate me to strive even harder to achieve other goals and i will feel nothing is unachievable. Is'nt it right? Anyway, i have waked up and started to read. I'm reading more yet it still have not sparkled my interest in it. Ya, i will work hard on it as reading is important for improving my english. As you guys can see, my structure is not good and the words i'm using is limited. Sad. What to do? I only can blame myself for not doing anything to my standard of english. Well, well, well... i think i would leave the rest of the words i wish to say to the next blogging. More is coming in next blog. Night guys.

2006-10-23T00:52:00.000+08:00

No time to spare.
Need to be focus and determined.
Nothing is bothering me anymore.
I can sing with clear mind
And I must sing the best i can,
and have a standard of a professional singer
=)

2006-08-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, it was my first attempt to go for clubbing. Well, of course, i don't really feel comfortable with the place as it was my first time to club. At first, i felt quite out of place because the music, the environment, and the people don't suit my personality. However, i grudually accepted it, and have a better groove of the music. I began to move with the music, and eventually dance on the dance floor without noticing. Ya, it might be "hot and stuffy" on the dance floor, but i don't care much about it. I felt that since i have came here and paid the money for the entry, i might as well have fun and enjoyed. And true, i have enjoyed in the end despite the fact it caused a hole to my wallet. I paid S$18.00 buck for it. For many people who club often, this amount of money perhaps is quite cheap. Furthermore, it also included two drinks for free. Well, I have nothing more to comment about since i have already paid for it. One thing for sure, this outing does make me have a greater or better view of singapore's night life. Going clubbing is somehow mixing around with another different group of Singaporean. Those guys there are bold, and their way of dressing is totally different. How should i say? They are less conservative and open-minded. They(the girls) dance bitchy and sexy. They do not think much of how people will view about them. They do whatever they want. And that's different from the normal Singaporean. Normal Singaporean is more image-conscience, they would not allow themselves to do such thing in a public place because it is so "paiseh". Isn't that true? Whatever it is, it is definitely an eye-opening experience for me. I think it's about time for me to go. I have to work tomorrow. Night.

haoyi
20th Aug 2006

2006-04-29T15:08:00.000+08:00

well, hi guys...
due to an unknown friend's request, i decide to blog again. Sorry la..mystery friend...~im busy nowadays..so i have less time to blog..and also, nothing much to blog too... But today, happened that i have something to say, so well i will blog.Hehe.
Oh. Ya it was something about yesterday night with my group of friends. It was late at night, and soon it was a time that many would turn to bed. However, there would always be "night-owl" that would stay up late, go pub and have a drink or so. And, within my friends, there are a few who are like that. Not saying they love to be one, but simply they do not mind and perhaps like the night life. But if you do know me, you would definitely know im not one who likes to go pub or clubbing. So because of the incident, i realise something. Maybe, i have already dedicated my life to singing and that is why I was uninterested to do other things except singing. Many would be bewildered why i would be so in love with singing, right?
To me, i wish i want to sing well. I do not mean to sing well to become a future singer, but i just want people's attention and acknowledgement towards my singing. It would make me feel as if accomplished and somehow successful. And when i feel that way, i would feel happy. Indirectly, you can say singing can make me happy. So well, that's why i love singing because i can get the things i want and be happy. Wouldnt it be wonderful for me? Of course, singing cant get me to nowhere and would not be useful to me in future. But, it is because of this passion, I can be more confident. So hope you guys would understand me ah... =) Well, tell you all a news la...im going to singing lesson, and i have already contacted the school. Awaiting for their reply of the lesson.
Hopefully i can get into one of the class.
And ya guys..must pray hard for my Universary application ah...waiting for their replies too.. hee..I must get in..! Ganbatte!! GOGO Jiayou! (FULL House's no 1 phrase)
gtg le..anything sms me...

haoyi
29th April 2006
3.31pm

2006-02-16T21:14:00.000+08:00

hey guys,
yesterday again, my feelings were aroused and i expressed how i felt always to fel fel. Ya i know that time, i told her before. But somehow, she wasnt clear how i felt to her. Perhaps, the approach i adopted wasnt clear-cut enough bah. Whatever it is, i spoke to her about ya and once and for all she understood how i felt la. Then a unexpected news burst abruptly after i explained.
Fel fel actually told me she has broke up with her bf. At that point of time, i also dont whether i should be delightened or not. Because it wasnt a good news to hear she broke up, it only means she again would be heart-broken and i dont want to see that occurring. However, on the other hand, this would also means i might have some chance, since she expressed that i dont really not worth her to love anyway.
May it be jubilant or dejected for fel fel, i think the most important thing to do is to help her to pass through this period of time now. It must be tough, fatiguing, and long for her to get through this because she brought up alot of courage then she decided to have this relationship. But right now, things did not follow what she hoped for. And they broke up after a few months later.
hai what to do??
Seriously, i puzzled whether this time round did i confess at the right time?
lolx. aiya, no point thinking...take things naturally.
ending here.
nitenite.

16th February 2006
9.50pm

2006-02-12T21:10:00.000+08:00

recalling the conservation with chia on the train, i realised i need to think thoroughly what i want to do after i receive my result.
What if i do really fall down at this crucial point of time? or what if i do really get the result i want? Do i seriously know what the path i want to go towards?
Earnestly, i do not know.
I solely know i have some interests in some particular jobs or hobbies. For instance, i like to singing, working in the tourism sector or maybe service industry, then maybe bakery or cookery, and setting up a business etc...
I do have some plans in my mind...
If i do not pass,
1.Go into private U.(work half study half)
2. Work first, then set up business.

If i do pass,
1. Obviously, think of the course i want to go.
2. In army, go to pursue my interests: singing, keyboard and guitar.
3. or get into some courses: public speaking etc

hai.
nvm
everything will be determined until i received my result.
i will end here.
goodbye.

12th February 2006
9.37pm

2006-02-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

okay okay la...ting... now i will update alright? lolx..=P
Actually hor, i want to update it le..cos i have somethings to say say lor...
ya...so today what am i gonna say lehx?
oH ya! i feel im a bastard now as i just remembered what i have done a week ago. I actually confessed my feelings to fel fel le...
i bet everyone will be angry with me and must be pin-pointing me and say, " hor hor, haoyiiii...why you're so bad one... confess yr feeling when she already attached."
And for bin bin lehx...she would now saying, " you always never listen to me de hor...i told you not to say yet you now...."
I know everyone will not agree with my decision, right? Because i shouldnt do that...it only makes things worse hor?
Let me say something guys....to defend myself...
I will state my reasons.
Why i would choose to speak out and be frank with her is because i think in this way it is much fairer for both of us.
At least, she knows it and i can give an answer to myself. I dont expect anything in return or what. Please do not be mistaken of my motive. Im purely hoping that she will be frank to me in future like i do. And also, at the same time, let her know how i feel all the long with her.
What i believe about close and true friends is that we must be frank to one another. Hidding feelings, to me, is being not sincere to the other party. Once a party holds back some feelings, there will definitely a small barrier or obstacle between them. So if i do not be honest with her, how can i be a close and good friend to her? What many people in today world are lacking of is being that genuine and that straightforward (provided it has considered the feelings of the other party before being honest)
Dont you all agree with me? Nowadays, people would only know how to backstab others and protect themselves without contemplating how others feel.
That is why people cant trust one another and then, to them...
there is no such "good and close" friend.
Isnt that miserable?
So thats the reason why i want to tell her. Telling her would mean i really treat her as a good and close friend. And it also means im not scared of it affecting our friendship because i believe our friendship is strong enough to talk such things so frankly.
Correct?
Now, I actually glad that she found her own right guy. Earnestly, i would like to see her happy.
If i really want to blame, i only can blame the time. This is because whenever i have the feelings, the time is not always right. So what to do? Undoubtedly, i only can blame the "time" what...right?
Ya another thing...
Guys...you know what....after that, i unexpectedly become so moody and i can feel a immense feeling : the lonliness.
hai.
Its so empty out there in my heart.
It feels like someone stole something out of my heart and....nothing else left. And the stolen "part" somehow has also flown to somewhere i dunno. And i seem like trying hard to search and retrieve that "part" back. But all my efforts are fruitless. I still feel the same way. Because of that im constantly keeping myself occupied. However, it resulted in the same ending.
hai.
Now i really wonder...
do i have true and close friend who i can rely on? Or in the first, there isnt any?
Everything is just illusion?
That is for me to think for the next few weeks.
i think end here..
bye...

2006-01-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

hm. today went out with fel fel again. same again...crap alot talk alot play alot fun too.
quite happy with her. im getting to understand her more after outing with her.
She was so picker-minded. she cant really decide what to buy for her bf. cos its abit complicated ma...she wanna maake a present out from her hands. Lidat it will be more meaningful.
We walked from 1.30pm until 8.30pm. Non-stop lor! Now my poor legs are so tired and aching. All thank to her.
lolx kidding. I also went with her to This Fashion. The clothings there isnt tat ugly and out of fashion. Actually, i found some nice clothings there. haha. Sound as if im the one shopping for gurl clothes hor.. no la... learning to look clothings for ger ma... (useful in future..heeeee)
Ya...walk round and round at bugis....then at last we reached mac somewhere la..dunno where also...i only knw it is a place where most of art crafts are sold...haha
then at there...
we talked la... as she thought thru to buy wwat for her bf....
and then hor...
i remembered at one moment, she told me " when u found the gurl u wan u will knw wat it means de la..."
I hor...almost wanna sae..."I FOUND HER le..."
luckily i didnt sae anything.....
After tat we again continued walk wwalk walk walk...
then..lolx...
she said " im so xin fu"
And wat she meant is she is so xin fu tat so many pple around so care and concern about her like me and her bf....
When i heard tat...i felt abit of happy la..
at least wat i done...makes her feel happy feel...xin fu lor...
not wasted.....
even if she has a bf, i could at least make her feel xin fu..and i done tat le!!!!
So joyful about it.
hee.
ya then at the end of the day.. we separated once again...
and she went to meet her bf.
while i go home lonely......
so sad..sobx sobx...
haha...no la kidding...
happy to be with her le... at least i can be tat close with her as friend...
nothing to be sad about actually....cos she is HAPPY.
=)
i tink end here again.
sleeping soon.
nite.

21st Jan 2006
10.50pm

2006-01-20T20:33:00.000+08:00

woohoo~! bin bin blog blog...then affect me....
see la..now im blogging le..
hai. thinking about bin bin's advise now, she told me not to see fel fel anymore. because i do continue to meet fel fel, i will be gonna fell even deeper... true true la...
but then, other than fel fel, who can i seek to when i want to go out ??then..who else can i talk with to confide? perhaps fel fel is really a close friend of mine. erm...can sae...haiya!
wat am i talking....
u knw wat everyone...actually...
i dun confide alot to fel fel de... but i always treat her a very good good good friend..... dunno why...
maybe because im feel very attached to her bahz...can sae...happy when with her....
however hor.... i tink why i dun wan to follow wat bin bin advised me....maybe...the reason is...
i dun wan to lose this happy happy feeling bahz...whenever im with her....
from a normal friend.....until now...
actually... we confide once awhile......not alot of times...most of the times..i confide to my net friends...
and this makes me tink through about why i consider her as a very very good friend...
haha...must be im under her spell long time ago..
just tat i nv realise...wahaha...
nvm....
tml i will be going out with her le...
i tink i just treasure the times with her...and stay happy bahz..and enjoy the days with her...
if we are fated to be together, i believe one day i will be with her de....
like the way..how the feelings i felt towards her...always return back....
k la..i tink end her le....

end of today session..wahha...

20 Jan 06
9.06pm

2006-01-16T21:54:00.000+08:00

Tell u la..binbin...i dun really post things i angried about once into my blog de la.. see...i almost forget about it le...maybe im a guy who dun remember bad happenings...
Oh..for those who dunno..the bin bin is another good friend of mine her name..hmm..hee shubin..a pretty lady...i know her thru internet...but we manage to stay as friend for 3years? lolx..
somewhere there la...
Yesterday lor...
she angried with me...
sae i dun care about her....then nv mention her in blog...then... making use of her...
everyone... sae something! Am i such a person? No right?
I treat everyone sincerely de hor...
nevertheless, everything has ended la..at last...we decided not to rake about it anymore..and stay as good friend...cos we know it isnt worth to spolit a friendship of such stuffs....
But yesterday..it is my worse day...got fel fel things on my mind...quite headache le...then suddenly bin bin de also popped out...making everything more worse....
haiz..
but at least...everything cleared....i again can stay happy...
stay happy always! haoyi!

16th January 2006
10.08pm

2006-01-16T21:04:00.000+08:00

Really, i have alot of stuffs that i will like to ask fel fel...
However, i decided not to ask them. Even though it might give an answer to myself and make myself feel better, i also dont want to cause any problems to her.
Plus, i dont really dare to speak or ask her these questions as it only makes us feel awkward and affects our relationship.
So i decide to post these questions here so that i can feel abit relieved at least. She would not see these questions because she dont know i do blog.
For days, i have really thought it through and talked to many of my friends.
And for once, the first time i said the truth that i feel towards fel fel. It happened during the midnight after i went out with fel fel for kbox and ended up making fel fel and her bf to quarrel.
I talked to ting on that night.
Happened that she was the only one in the msn messenger that i felt comfortable to talk with, so i approached her and we chatted.
One way or another, while we were chatting, im somehow "forced" or naturally or sub-consciously spoke the truth which i always been searching for. The truth which i want to know about, the one which has been holding me all the while, making me hesitated...
I said, " Im willing to spend my whole life with her and i think she is my right girl."
Just this simple sentence enlightens me. I always have been so confused about how i truly feel towards fel fel. I can say with her around, i feel happy and comfortable. And without her around, i can say for these days, it is the dullest part of my life. i felt loneliness and bored. Whenever there is outing with her, i will be always looking forwards to the day. Basically, i cant wait for the day i can go out with her.
Despite the fact that i always treat her best friend and remain neutral (meaning try not to develop any feelings for her), i can somehow feel something while we are going out together. It is like somehow this kind of "attaching" feeling that sticks or links us together. A bond which cannot be broken...
I can sense that feeling whenever i went out with her. I dont know whether she felt that too but thats what i really feel...
Sometimes, i do really want to ask her, " Do you feel something (a feeling) when you are with me?"
Though i know she merely is treating me as a buddy or a good friend, i still unsure about it. This is because the feeling is so strong. I sometimes might ask myself, " Is this what they called love?"
I really dont know. I will not ask anything more from fel fel because we are already very good friend and she has a bf. But then, I really want to give myself an answer. I really want to ask fel fel do she feel the same way as I do.
At least, this will make me understand the true thoughts/feelings between both of us.
However, i cant really ask this. If not, it will really affect our relationship and her relationship with her bf.
So then, i think i only can keep this in heart and perhaps let myself suffers rather than she suffers. She has suffered once in a relationship which does not really worth her loving, I do not wish to see her suffers again. And then now she has a wonderful relationship infront of her, i really wish to see her live in happiness.
I might suffer alot because i myself could not get the answer to myself (about all those feelings i felt towards her) but...
at least she will BE HAPPY.
that's all.
At last, i said the things which i want to say. feel so relieved.
thank to my blog or else i might be now suffering.

16th January 2006
9.54pm

2006-01-15T00:19:00.000+08:00

Maybe what fel fel really wants is not a boyfriend but people to care about her and be happy. She is just trying to find the happiness that she used to have and the care and concern that old friends and ivan gave bahz..
When she tell me about how happy she was with the old friends and jessie told me she likes this boyfriend becos she cares about her then...
i realise and sense...
she isnt happy actually.
Do not know whether if im too sensitive or what, i afraid that she gets this boyfriend because she feels insecure.
Being her good friend, im remorseful that i didnt even notice about it.
However, this is my pure guessing. all these are what i really feel after i went out with her for the whole day.
I do not confirm if she is doing all these ( getting a bf) for the sake of finding the happiness that she used to have....
But i know she is one who might avoid or keep problems in heart even she senses them.
She is someone who looks strong in the outer appearance yet needs someone shoulders to rely on. Whatever it is, i truely hope one day she will face her problems bravely like she always do infront of us and try to solve her problem regarding ivan.
I know...
she still like ivan...cant forget about him.... but tats her....never will she really tell her true thinkings...
hais...

15th Jan 06
1231 am

2006-01-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

Its another long day. I worked from morning until evening. Everything seems so new to me. But luckily, i manage the stress and the things which require for my job -- R & D clerk. Perhaps, viewing from a more positive way, it benefits me. At least, i wouldnt be slack around for the two years but knowing things which books cant really teach me and i wouldnt be able to learn about.
i believe many things,which i learn here might be useful to me in future. Knowing how to manage relationships with peers and superiors perhaps will serve me as a useful tool in surviving in the office. Do not see a simple decorated office as a peaceful place rather inside the office, there are things which many people might not know about. However, i do not wish to further elaborate. That only makes me more stressful.

YA! Today, when i reached home and logged in to my msn, i saw something which makes me so happy: g___x___86@hotmail.com has added to your list. Wah! So jubilent at that point of time. It has been quite a long time that this old friend of mine contacted me. So wonderful, she has a msn. And now, i would be able to chat with her online.
Talking about this friend of mine, she was my schoolmate during secondary school. She was or is? hhaha nevermind, She is a cool girl who seldom talks ? Now i dont think she is already la.
But then, at that point of time, I liked her. Please do not ask me the reason, seriously, i do not know why i like her. Maybe because she is pretty? (i must be frank) or ??
however hor, i still believe that is just one of the reason. I hardly can find words to describe why i would like her because from what i know, i would like to see her happy. When she is happy, she looks great. Its somehow showing another side of her...much happier and much...hmm...
TRUE her... i dunno la..but all the long, i tried to understand her despite the fact that she do not share her troubles and thoughts to other.
But hor, it is because of her...
i realise...
to understand a person, not only we can listen to their troubles and thoughts, but we also can see from the actions and facial expression etc... each of this leads to the full understanding of the person... i knw this might sound rediculous but thats what i believe in...
And also, not only tat...
she makes me realise something...
bringing out a person's TRUE him/her is actually a blessing...a happiness...something which i can be quite happy about...
i do not knw whether did i bring her true her out from her or is it other pple....but regardless which one is the answer....
im very happy to see the true her.... she looks...so happy and cheerful...unlike the past...
she always brings out a moody and cool face which makes pple scare about her.
Possible reason why she is so moody and cool perhaps because she is a strong and independent.
I dunno whether she is or not...but thats wat i feel after being friend with her for...3 years...
if include now...it should be 6 years already....
i dunno why she is why tat strong and independent however....
maybe i tink family has brought her up into this type of ger...
a ger who is strong and independent and very......
hmm..
how to sae....aiya dunno la...maybe considerate?lolx.
whatever it is... maybe tats the reason why i like her... independent ....strong... and looks sweet when she smiles...
Aiya for now...im happy to be her friend...and really hope she will treat me as a very good friend...and i would try my best to understand her further.....
if i have the chance, i would like to say to her :
YOU ARE MY ONLY SPECIAL FRIEND!

13th Jan 2006
9.45pm

2006-01-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

yeah.im back after a long break. Its another new year! and im currently in army, sembawang camp working as a r & d clerk. i bet you all must be wondering wat is r & d bahz? lolx.. i also dunno wats tat at first...but slowly i get to knw i will be the one doing the admin for those punishments in the camp... kinda cool~ i can get to knw some confidential stuffs... and i might be working with those "big" guys..like my CO...
Seriously, i dun like my working place...everyone backstabs each other de... not frank and straightfoward which i always believe pple should be...
Actual fact...it isnt tat bad la...just need to tolerate these stuffs for like...less than 1 year? and these "old" staffs will be ORD liao... then new comers will replace them..hopefully, they will be nice? *wishful thoughts* there cant be peaceful times in office rite? tats wat my friends all said to me... i just need to adapt to it...and learn how to manage those "office-political" stuffs...
dun sae about it le..
ya...talk about fel fel...
Just went out with fel fel on saturday, together with some of my old friends....
At first, we planned to go to sentosa to play for one day and maybe stay overnite at tat..but hor.. RAIN...!! argh..
actually, it spolit the mood of ours...
then after tat...everyone were so sian tat some decided to back off..and went home straight...
ya im one of them...
But later one of my friend, jessie (married already and now have a baby) wanted to go to carrefour..
Going around with tat baby is not as simple as wat i tink sia!!!
Unbelievable....at the end of the day...
im so drained out and defeated by this small little devilish 18 months old baby! A short path from suntex to city hall interchange seemed so far and long...every step every move...takes as if ages... i cant wait to separate from them..haha kidding...but tats wat i feel...
maybe it is a test for myself...patience..haha
or perhaps..training for being a father...
lolx..but its a good experience to take care of this baby...
this sat..again i will out with them...this jessie ...fel fel...and maybe some other pple..
Wish me good luck...and hopefully i can go thru this hardship haha
k la..blog next time ...byebye

2005-12-11T02:03:00.001+08:00

yeah. Today, i went out with fel fel n mad mad again. haha, and again, i kept on teasing them. They cant tolerate all my craps. They were either lauging again and again or.. that mad mad will complain complain complain.. Not a bad day either for them i tink cos they are quite happy with me around crapping away. And tat fel fel, she made me wait for her for 50 mins!! kaoz. haha. Actually hor, it was me who was early. Im early by 30 mins. Still, she was late. She was late by 20 mins.* Laugh out loud* she hor.. always ganna me bully de though she is older than me by just hmm...3 months...and she will always be proud of tat...
whereas for tat mad mad, i tink she is older than me by 1 year? i forget le...Basically, im going out with 2 "old" women. I planned to buy some stuffs for christmas but then, i cant really find any good ones. We window-shopped for about 3 hours then, we decided to go to burger king there in the bursling shopping centre to rest. At there, i was being updated with some stuffs regarding fel fel de... Glad to hear fel fel has a bf, and somehow he sounds not bad.
All the long, i dont knw what i myself am thinking about.
What i meant is that, i dun really knw what i really want. As far as i knw, i know fel fel for about like 5 years le? and along the way, there were crushes here and there... whenever im with her, my heart will somehow...lost my way and ended up liking her...
Everytime was lidat...
And i dun really knw what to do...
If i woo her...i scare i dun have ability to support or wat..since i dun have any experience in bgr
plus, i dun wan to lose this good friend of mine.
furthermore, im scared of rejection. Maybe, fel fel dun knw tat bahz.. i dun really dare to woo her becos i scared of tat...
Probably, im tired of tat. And sometimes, things might turn out worse...if we do not manage things properly. Like for instance, guy A likes ger B. And B rejects A, afterwhich, their friendship turns sour? or perhaps.. they cant really face each other again...there are many senarios which it can evolve to if we dun really manage things properly..so i dun really like rejection.
I knw fel fel is a girl whom i tink i like her character.
Independent, strong....
This type of girl is the type which always attracts me the most.
Yet, i dun dare to woo her.
Maybe, i dunno how to manage a relationship or wat? i believe something is bothering me but i dun knw wat it is..
Now, she is with other guy. But, i dun feel any sense of sad. weird rite?
i just feel..as long as she is happy...and we can stay this kind of friendship..
im really very satisfied and lucky enough le..
this kind of friendship..always a comfort for me...
for once, i feel someone (as in friend) who does care me..
and for once..
i cant really differentiate between gd friend n someone i like..
probably..
our relationship has gone to a stage where i n her dun really knw what our relationship is le bahz..
i tink i stop here..
i wanna sleep le..
bb
nitenite to everyone,

11th Nov'05

2005-10-22T14:56:00.000+08:00

cool.now im listening to yanzi's newest ablum. it's not as bad as i thought. At least, it makes me feel refreshing. Not the usual style which yanzi used to sing, but she still sing well enough. Other than the song, i love the lyrics. The idea of the whole song is brought across to the listeners with all those simple and short phrases, making them able to think through. In particular, i like especially one song, di yi tian. It was sang by F.I.R, Wu Yue Tian, and Yanzi, of cos. And, it was also written by A Shin of Wu Yue Tian. Please dont be mistaken that i like this song because of these singers. It's definitely wrong. I just love the rythm and the way Yanzi sang. haha. yaya, hope you all would go and buy her ablum. hee.
byebye

2005-10-19T16:38:00.000+08:00

人就是这样，嘴巴说普通朋友，不可以喜欢她，但我却偏偏心里还是喜欢她。Hai。就因为这样，我和她的关系变得很尴尬。说也奇怪，我和她的性格完全不同lor。我比较热爱唱歌，她就比较喜爱水上活动。我也真的不知道为何我会喜欢她。常常我会问自己为何我会喜欢上她，一开始我就不应该喜欢她吧，哪只会让我有越来越多的不必要的嘛烦，不是吗？就像现在大家都有一点尴尬，不是我想说自己，明明知道自己没有机会但偏偏就是要找嘛烦。hai.真的想想看如果一开始我没喜欢上她，可能现在我们是好朋友了。可能是一见钟情？可能只有时间才能给我一个答案吧。现在还是把学业搞好才是对的。女人吗，一后才说吧。我去睡觉了，明天还要去学校！Byebye！
sleeping_haoyi

2005-06-22T15:45:00.000+08:00

goosh. Looking through other people's blogs, i begin to feel that my standard of english is definitely weaker than them. From the way i write and structure my sentences, it is explicit enough that i do not know how to express my thoughts in a "simpler and nicer" sentences. I always hope to write as fluent as i can, as nicely structure as i can. Yet, when i try to do so, it seems to be out of my reach. The way i write and the way i express myself have not been improving not to say my articulation too. Sadly, i'm deprive to be like them- those who are able to write as freely as they can, expressing themselves in a stylish way. Is it because i do not read enough? or ?? I want an answer. But i still can't figure out myself. I really wish i can write like them and speak like them. No one to blame but myself. I think i will end here. I have to study for my block test.
A new phrase to know: joie de vivre
hee.

Jealous
haoyi

2005-06-14T12:50:00.000+08:00

Sian. she today never reply my sms. i really wan her to sms me.sobsobx~i wanna know her more sia. but it seems like..chance is slim. eh dun think i really wan to woo her ah. i know my standard. i cant yearn for such a pretty gf de. but i definitely still can know her more and make her to be my best and true friend bah? Weird right. i only know her recently and then now i want to be good friend with her. I also dont know what am i doing. Everynow and then, i will be checking my fone and see whether did she reply me back. and i always got back other friends's sms. ha.yesterday im still smsing with her quite okay okay de.but then now..hai.
ya.she isnt the type of girl i have been imagining of. She makes me feel she's one of those who has her own thinkings and dun wan pple to interfere with her life. She isnt as angelic as i thought her as. Maybe i have over-imagining her that caused me to see her as so angelic. i know you guys out there must be now thinking i definitely like her. Even if that's so, am i worth a girl to like? am i up to standard? am i able to satisfy a girl's needs? am i ready to give everything that i own now to her? Can i be a wonderful bf? The answers to all that is no.
Definitely it is "no". So what's the point of wooing a girl right now even if i feel abit interested with her??ha.dun wan to sae le. end.

2005-04-12T13:05:00.000+08:00

haha. So happy and thankful to what beverly and chia have done for me on my 19th birthday.
Hee they bought a fila t-shirt and bought a cake for me. And they celebrated my birthday after my bball training, together with the other bball team mates. Glad to say and abit of sadness, this is my first time celebrating my birthday with my friends and also receiving my first present.
I don't know what to say but i know this is the happiest birthday i have ever had.
HEE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!

2005-03-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

Haha. Sorry guys for the long await blog from me. It has been a long time that i have not been blogging. I guess i began to be more busy than before. Nowadays, even if i have the time, i guess i probably will use it for me to get some sleep rather than watching television. I simply left with no time as my A level is coming to a corner. Looking at those ex-yjcians receiving their results at the hall, somehow some reflections have struck into my mind, making me feel that i have not been studying hard enough. True enough, i have to admit i really did not study very hard. It can be seen in the result i got for my "A" level Chinese. It was absolutely heart-brokening when i saw i get a B4 for my mother tongue with distinction in my oral. It only proved me that hardworks pay off and laziness does not lead to a good end. I expected myself to get a B3 and above. However, i guess my paper has cropped up. Luckily, my oral has not disappointed me. At least, i got a distinction which is something i have been trying to achieve of. Basically, my "A" level result is definitely a "waking" call for me to wake up before it is too late. I really been dreaming for the past one year and 3 months. I think it is time for me to get myself up and work hard for my dream. It is no point slacking and wasting my time, without getting a good "A" level result before i leave this school. After this incident, i guess i have fully awaken and probably will study hard for my "A" level. No..no..i mean i WILL study hard for my "A" level and achieve excellence result again like my " O "level. It's time for me to go..Bye~ i will blog again next time.

2004-11-15T16:25:00.000+08:00

ya, again i'm back.
This time round i would like to say about my failure.
I actually just talk with my good friend, felicia. and it happened that she made me realise one thing. And this thing is the problem which led to all my failure---lack of confidence.
I guess everyone knows that i'm a guy who lacks of courage and confidence. In the field of either love or study, i'm always like that. I never have the courage to face a relationship in a serious manner or really have the courage to speak infront a group of people during my lessons. The worst thing is that i never thought of this problem before. I always thought it might because of difference in character which leads to the failure of my relationship. And also, i thought it was because i was nervous which made me dare not speak infront of large group of people. But, i'm totally wrong'!
It was so stupid of me thinking that way. I should have started to do something about it rather than finding other reasons. Aargghh.. nevermind, i think i should start to have more confidence in myself before things get worse. Or else, one day i will feel very regretful of what i have done in the past!
i think i end here. Anyway, 2 days more, i will receive my promotional results. I think i might retain. Ah! Again so lack of confidence! Change~ i think i will pass with flying colours~ ahahxlolx.
End.

2004-10-04T15:13:00.000+08:00

Ya.Again, i come to blog. I seem want to tell about some things which have kept in my heart for quite long. I want to unravel my "xin jie".I know it is not a right time to think about it. I just have the urge to write it on the blog, so i hope those who saw it please do not ask me about it or tell anyone about it. This is something personal.
Okayz. Let's start.
It has been a long time eversince i have liked a girl. The last girl i liked might be the girl named kuanshyuan. Even though it is a unsuccessful attempt, i'm not sad at all. At least, i tried and tried and tried. Weird enough, i do not understand why i like her. And i just like her in this "blur blur" manner for three years. Maybe it's the days i spent with her that make me like her for so long. It have been a sweet times being with her studying, teaching, playing and also chatting. I could always remember the first smile she smiled when we were in a Maths teacher house playing table tennis. I could also still remember the first time she asked me to go to library teach her maths. All these sweet memories with her i think i will not forget about it. My heart has been so reluctant to forget about it. Now, she's in polytechnic while i'm in junior college. I might not be able to see her again but i still always concern about her. I sometimes might think "Am i being foolish or being a faithful guy? "And when i thought about that my answer will be "I'm foolish" It is because she also do not like me, so what the point of liking her. Knowing my answer, i'm certain to forget about her. However, it seems so hard to do so.
Haiz.
I now just hope time will cure everything --cure my "miss" about her and get her off my heart.
Now,
I know my heart seems to be accepting some girls. But ah... I think i will leave it on the next blog and i will say more about the girl who i'm accepting ba.
I think it is time for me to go and to have a nice sleep le.
bye

2004-09-20T08:34:00.000+08:00

Oh..ya sorrie..it has been a long time that i have not blogged already. Currently, i'm quite busy with my schoolworks as it soon will be my promotional examinations. My promo will be on the october and i left with a few weeks to prepare myself for it. And my saturday tests have proved me i'm not prepared for it. None of the tests i pass. Sad enough, i have tried my best and the result has not improved. I began to worry about my promo, thinking i might be retaining. Now, my priority is my study. I do not wish to retain and end up wasting my "one-year" in yjc. I prefer to get promoted and get into j2. Time has passed so quickly that i didn't realise my promo is coming. Haiz. For now, i will only can pray hard and study hard, hoping that luck lady will be on my side, helping me to get to j2.
Other than this, i have nothing much to say. I do not wish to think about love and all that stuffs. I have enough of it already and i think it's time to get totally focus on my study rather than love. It is just wasting my precious time, making me more "fan".
So i think now i end here. i will blog again when i'm free.bye

2004-08-08T22:56:00.001+08:00

After a long day of study, i'm back home at last.
I do not know why i feel so moody at the end of the day. I don't feel like joking, laughing, and talking. I feel like having some peace and getting someone to talk with me. **Sms received's sound**it was beverly's sms. One way or another, i feel so happy to have friend like beverly.
She always trys to console and help me whenever i'm down or unwell. She's always so caring. If it isn't chialing, i might be interested with her. Haha! kidding la..Good~ at last i can joke already.
I cannot admit that she's nice. i only feel she don't suit me even though i still do not understand her well enough. I want someone like the girl in the movie," My sassy girl". I know it's hard or i should say impossible to get someone like that girl. However, i like that type of girl. Always bully and scold me, but actually deep inside her heart, she cares about me, this might be the one that i will like.Lolx, i do not know what i am actually thinking about. I think i'm alright already.
I guess it's time for me to find information on my general paper already. Bye.

2004-08-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

I'm back again!Back to write my blog. Ya. As i was looking at guan xuan's testimonials, i felt so worried about her when people kept telling her not to be stress, and be cheerful again. To me, it sounds like she have problems now. And i felt i want to help her just like in the past, but, i realise things are not the same like the past already. I felt i was dreaming for the past few months all the long, i have not waken up until when i realise that i'm no longer with her, no longer in the state that i can help her. We have gone the separate route. She went to polytechnic while i have gone to junior college. We both have chosen the way we want. And this also means i have lost contact with her long ago. I felt maybe it is because i still can't accept the fact i have lost contact with her and i no longer can see her again.
Right now, though i know we are impossible to be together, i still have feelings with her. Not saying i do not wish to accept or like other girls, but i can't help it. I just kept wondering about how she is, how her life is. In my life, this might be the first time i'm so serious about love. Serious in the sense that i still have the feeling for a girl after eight months, knowing that it is impossible for me. Nevermind, i bet time will slowly dissolve the feelings ba. By then, i think i can accept other girls.
End here.
-Haoyi-

2004-08-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

Again, i'm back to write my blog. Nothing's much happened today. Oh ya! I had got back my physic saturday test. And as i expected it was badly done. Over sixty marks, i got twenty-nine. Quite bad luck right?i only need one more mark so as to pass.
Hai. This is not the first time i failed my test papers already. I have been failing my saturday tests. My chemistry and maths have also failed too. And again, for both subjects, i also need a few more marks to pass or i should say three marks to pass. Sad to say, i'm been struggling to pass my papers ever since i began my jc study. Not saying that i never pass my paper before, but it is hard to pass. In contrast with my secondary school study, it requires more of all those foundation of pure science and A math rather than hardworks.

I do not dare to say i studied hard. But at least, i did study for it. My expectations are to get A for my core subjects. However, it seems so far to reach now. Right now, i just hope i can pass my promotional examinations and successful promote to Jc2. As everyone knows i'm a normal acadamic student, which means i'm older than those jc1 by one year, so i could not afford to retain one more year. As my age is getting older, the jc will not allow me to continue study if i'm over twenty years old. Simply, i need to study hard and get myself promote. Nowadays i feel quite pressurized as i see there is no improvement with my result and the promotional examination are coming.
Hai. What to do? I chose this route to study in jc. So i think it is time for me to focus more on my study rather than my basketball.
I think i end here.
Bye.
-haoyi-

2004-07-29T01:06:00.000+08:00

What a "sweet" and "beezy" day!

My school has a group of unfriendly visitors!They look disgusting.Once you glance on them, you will eventually feel that you want to be away from them as far as possible.
Guess what it is? People? Bird?Insect?
Haha! They are none of the above. Actually, it was a group of bees.

Today, this group of bees flooded the basketball court after a rainfall. There are hundreds of them, and all of them are still ALIVE! They looked dead but if you looked closely enough, you can still see them moving.

This is not the most disgusting moment lor!

I was asked to sweep those bees by my teacher!

The first thing i thought was, "Wah kao! So many! How can i finish to sweep these bees! Somehow, they look so damn "er xin"!"
Haha! Ya. So with my other classmates, we went to sweep the "half-dead" bees. It was indeed a "fantasic" experience. It is because when you used the broom and swept across them, you can hear those "crack-ing" sound.
It was the "crack-ing" sound that the bees were killed under the broom.
Muahahaa..

Suddenly, i felt like a killer, killing so many lives while i was sweeping the floor.
As the time passed, i began to be more "violent". As i swept,I began to kill the bees even though they were still alive at that time.

At that point of time, what i thought was, " Not you die, or i will die under your sting after this".
One hour later, we had swept finished the ground at last.
The rubbish bag was full of bees, and it weighed about more than 2 kg lorx!
Wah so much..

But too bad, i can't see what happened to the bees after that, as i was rushing towards the com lab to do my project work.
Haiz!
But it was a wonder experience and a day to remember of!
-haoyi-

2004-07-14T21:50:00.002+08:00

Haha! This is my second entry again. Truthfully, i have lots of things to say about. However, i don't know where to start from. This week seems like we have been through a long, but tiring and stressing, week. I can feel that large amount of stress suffocating my classmates. Everyone looks so tired both mentally and physical.

July is the beginning of our nightmare. Homeworks just rush in, when we have not finished the other yet. And almost every saturdays, we have examinations. Not only that, we still have tests during the school days. Having said so that there are lots of examinations and tests for us to study, we still have basketball trainings. I'm not saying that we can't take those tough trainings, but seriously speaking, it is impossible for us to do our homeworks after the tiring training. Though it is hard for us to balance between schoolworks and basketball trainings, everyone still try their best to study hard and as well as play hard too.
And it ended up with people becoming over stress and too tired.
Like recently, my classmates broke down after my math teacher said we need to hand in math file by next week.

For me, i feel the stress too. But i can't help it. What i can do is to tell myself to work hard, and try my best.

Anyway, i got back my math and chemistry examination paper which i sat on those saturdays.Hai, sad to say, i failed both papers. For my case, my result is around AO level which is border-line cases and just only need a few more marks to pass. Actually, i think it is not that bad because i tried my best already. Nothing to sad about. Okay! i think i end here. I want to have a good rest and relax myself. It has been a long time that i actually can rest..so bye!

-haoyi

2004-07-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

Hehe!Yeah!At last, i can begin to write my journal. What should i write in my first journal entry?Haha! Kind of no idea sia..But nevermind, i will just write about what happened today. Today, i have my chinese A level oral. I can feel that i have done my oral quite well, i was performing up to standard. All the long, my chinese hasn't been improving however, i began to be quite talkative in my chinese lesson recently. Haha! before it was my turn, i was so nevous, anxious, mixed with different kind of other feelings.

My heart pumped so hard and fast that i can't calm myself. The more i tried to calm down, the more nervous i will be. In the end, i sang some songs and miraclely i was calmed down.
Though when i went to the examiers, i was still abit unstable. I still manage to read my passage quite fluently. As for my conversation, i tried my best, it was my best performance already. I have no regret even if my oral failed.

Haha! Comparing with my friends, i can consider quite lucky enough. I was only asked two questions(including the first question they asked). My friends who are infront of me were bombarded with more than 2 questions. Lolx. Anyway, those two teachers had been nodding their head since i began my conversation with them..so this should be quite good le hor?

Haha i don't know lehx...Just hope it will turn out good for my chinese.Right now, i think i should begin to improve my chinese and english. Language has been my dead point. Hope i can pass my promotion examination siaz! haiz..nevermind, i think i should work more harder in order to achieve success. I think i got to go already, there are still tons of homeworks awaited for me to do. Haha!I think i end here off. Bye.